# Three tiers and a real reason keep a cadence from becoming a chore

Sort people into three tiers with different intervals, and make every message carry something the other person can use. A cadence without a reason to write becomes a chore for you and noise for them.

The objection to reminder based networking is fair: a daily list of people to contact feels less like a system and more like a threat. A cadence works when the interval is realistic and every message has a reason to exist.

## Three tiers, not fifty

| Tier | Who | Interval | What the message carries |
| --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Close | People you work with, or who could change your year | Every four to six weeks | Something useful: an introduction, a piece of news, an answer |
| Active | People you want to stay real with | Every three to four months | A relevant article, a congratulation, a short question |
| Dormant | Everyone else worth keeping | Once or twice a year | A genuine update, or nothing |

Keep the close tier short enough that you could name everyone in it without looking. If you cannot, it has become a list.

## How to decide who goes where

Ask two questions about each person. Would it matter to your work this year if the relationship went cold? Would they notice if you stopped writing?

Two yes answers put someone in close. One yes is active. Two noes is dormant, which is not an insult: you keep the context and write when there is a real reason. Move people between tiers when things change. A dormant contact who takes a job at a company you sell to is suddenly close.

## Triggers that beat the calendar

A reminder that says "contact Hana, it has been three months" produces a weak message. These give you a reason to write.

They changed job, or their company announced something.
You read something they would actually want.
Someone you know should meet them.
You said you would check something, and now you have the answer.
A date that matters to them, if they told you about it.

A calendar interval is a backstop. Use it to notice drift, then find a real reason before writing.

## What a welcome message looks like

Three sentences: what made you think of them, the useful thing, and no ask.

> Benedikt, I saw that Nordlys Shipping is renewing the crew training contract. It reminded me of what you said at the port authority open day. A former colleague ran a similar tender last year and wrote up what she would change; I have attached it. No need to reply.

> Amani, a procurement director at a pharma distributor asked me this week about cold storage partners near Nairobi, and I thought of Mavuno. Happy to introduce you if it is useful; if not, no reply needed.

Neither message asks for anything. For more wording, see the [check in templates](/templates/checking-in-without-asking).

## What to stop doing

- Sending the same "just checking in" to twelve people in one sitting.
- Tracking everyone. The list you can maintain is shorter than the list you would like to maintain.
- Treating a reply rate as a score. Some people do not reply and still show up when it counts.
- Apologising for the gap at length. One clause is enough, and you can skip it.

## A weekly fifteen minutes

Once a week, look at the close tier and ask who you have not spoken to inside their interval. For each, look for a trigger from the list above. If you cannot find one, leave it a week; a forced message is worse than a late one. Then look at the active tier for anyone with an obvious trigger. Dormant people come up when something happens, not on a schedule.

## Where Marrow fits

A tool should tell you who is drifting and hand you the context that makes a message specific. Marrow is an app on iPhone and Android that does that part.

The daily brief lists who is going quiet alongside what is due, and on Mondays the weekly brief adds the week ahead. It arrives as a notification on your phone, on Telegram, or both, whichever you choose. You can also ask "who is going quiet" at any time, and each person's page shows how long it has been since you last spoke.

Say "remind me to check in with Benedikt in March" and it becomes a follow up with a date. Marrow can draft the message from what you have told it before, marked not sent, but it does not send messages on your behalf. Marrow is in Beta.

Who should not bother: if your network fits in your head and your calendar, keep it there. If you want a tool that sends check ins for you, Marrow does not, by design.

## Related

- [Guides](/guides)
- [Reconnecting after a long silence](/guides/reconnecting-after-a-long-silence)
- [How to remember names and details](/guides/remember-names-and-details)
- [Building a personal CRM in a spreadsheet](/guides/building-a-personal-crm-in-a-spreadsheet)
- [Keep in touch reminders](/features/keep-in-touch-reminders)

Last updated 10 October 2026. Canonical: https://usemarrow.com/guides/keep-in-touch-cadence